The Gleeful Gourmand: Culinary Nightmares

Monday, November 15, 2010

Culinary Nightmares

Culinary nightmares: I had one last night, and I'm not talking about in the actual kitchen. Nope, this one was literally in my dreams.

Let me paint you a picture: It starts with me in my kitchen, examining an angel food cake that has completely deflated on one side. I'm so perplexed, and I'm a little panicked because it suddenly occurs to me that I'm cooking for 8 business associates of my husband's; apparently big muckity-mucks. Or something. And I've prepared this incredible dinner. The table is set and looking gorgeous. But what's going on with this cake? It's okay, I will figure out something else to do with it. That's when someone (a friend helping me in the kitchen?) informs me that I've been mistaken this whole time. I wasn't supposed to cook for 8 very important people (again, who are these people??), I'm supposed to be cooking for 25. 25! They're supposed to arrive in exactly one hour, and they're expecting a gourmet dinner.

Now I'm completely freaking out. Not only can my dining room not accommodate anywhere near 25 people, but I don't have enough food. First I try to stretch what I've got, but when I see that failing, Buck and I find ourselves in the grocery store, shopping for stuff to serve. What we end up buying is the leftovers from my son's birthday party last weekend. Because nothing says fine cuisine like baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, ranch dressing and grapes. I decide to set it all up buffet-style, and if they don't like it, screw 'em. They can use trays and eat wherever they want. At least they will be eating something! Anything! And, of course, there's always the deflated angel food cake to serve. Just when I was reaching my peak of freaking out, I woke up. Phew.

In reality, I've never really had a culinary disaster like that. Sure, I've burned stuff before, but not to the point that it has to be thrown out. I've also burned myself multiple times, and cut myself frequently, but nothing major. No stitches needed. In fact, I think the only time I really ever truly screwed something up was when I was baking pumpkin bread for my youth group's bake sale many years ago. They failed to rise, and I had nothing left to offer. So I wrapped them up and labeled them "Pumpkin Flat Cakes".

And you know what? They sold.

Have any culinary nightmares, real or imagined? Leave them in the comments!


Kirsten Oliphant said...

I know you told me about this post and that it was a dream, but I can't tell you how stressed I got reading this post!

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