But I'd be lying, so here's what I will tell you instead: Teaching your kids how to behave at the table is really, really hard work. I feel like we've been working with Liam ever since he started sitting at the table with us on how to behave, and I guess I thought that by the time we got to 4 we'd have things pretty much under control. I can hear all you longtime parents out there laughing right now. Cut it out.
Part of what I forgot to figure in was that during his 3rd year, he acquired not one, but two baby sisters. At first he took his big emotions over this out on my husband and I. Then when he realized that wasn't going to fly with us, he turned to the next best thing in his mind: Food. Suddenly, the area we had so much success in was up for grabs. He started balking at everything we put in front of him, even foods he had previously loved. There have been more than a few meals that have ended in tears, or timeouts, or both, and conversations that have gone like this:
L: Yuck, I don't like that.
Me: It's chicken and rice, what's not to like?
L: It's gross. I don't like it. Ew.
Me: Too bad, eat it anyway.
L: I don't want to. I want something else.
Me: I'm not a short-order cook, you'll eat what I put in front of you.
L: What's a short-order cook?
Me: It means I'm not making you a separate meal.
L: (squirming, fake crying) Ew! It will make me sick!
Me: It will not. Look, I don't particularly like eating gross food. I wouldn't make you something that I think tastes gross, because I don't want to eat food that tastes bad. This food doesn't taste bad. So eat it!
And on and on it goes, until he finally either eats it, or loses his dessert privileges.
The perfect diner - as long as it's something he likes. |
I realize that every parent ever has dealt with these struggles, so that at least makes us feel a little better as we soldier on, but some things do make my blood boil, like when he's eating soup and starts stirring it too hard so that it goes all over everything - all while staring at me with this look on his face that plainly says, "I dare you to tell me to stop. I'm not going to, but tell me anyway."
These days we're working on at least trying new foods, and littler things like putting his fork or spoon on the dish when he's not using it, and chewing with his mouth closed. Buck and I are pretty much in lock-step with what we expect from our children as far as eating at the table. Here are a couple of rules we stick to, and are working on:
1) You do not have to finish all your food, but you do have to try everything at least once.
2) You may not eat until we've said Grace.
3) You may not get up from the table until we excuse you.
4) Your napkin is there to wipe your mouth with, not your sleeve.
5) Chew with your mouth closed (I know from my own childhood this one will take forever to master).
6) Do not interrupt us when we're talking.
7) Your fork belongs on the dish when you're not using it, not in your lap.
How about you, readers? Any tips for producing well-behaved little diners? Any rules you're working on? I'd love to hear them!
3 comments :
We had a rule growing up, prompted by eating spaghetti - no food above your nose. I hear parents all the time make "my kid will only eat____" and the thought in my head is always - And whose fault is that? My kids don't love everything, but they eat everything because they don't have a choice. If they don't like dinner they can have a plain piece of toast after they've tried it, but that's it. I also have to remind myself of some statistic that says kids might have to try something as much as 20 times before they like it.
Shauna, I so agree with you! I know a lot of parents who decided not to make meals a battle, and as a consequence, their children only eat a very limited repertoire of foods, even now when those children are close to adulthood! To me, it's worth the challenge and sometimes the fight if it means that down the line my kids know a wide variety of tastes. We're constantly saying to Liam, "How do you know you don't like it, when you've never even tasted it?" I love that rule - no food above your nose! :)
My uncle used to tell my cousins, "Eat it!" We now say it to eat other in a deep commanding voice and then crack up. I know another father who tells his daughter, "Bite it like a shark!" and she'll take an enthusiastic bite!
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